check in

just an update


checklist: 1. Exercise: STARTED! Steps & the plan

wearing the pedometer today & will be working out tonight.. no matter what! :) Back on track.

This Week: Mon- didn't track Tues- / Wed- / Thur- / Fri - / Sat- / Sun- /

Last Week: Mon- / Tues- / Wed- / Thur- / Fri - / Sat- / Sun- /


TOTAL STEPS: -
TOTAL MILES: -

Total Steps Last Week:
Total Miles Last Week:

ASCM Fitness Plan:
Aero - (4 to 6 sessions)
Musc- (2 to 3 sessions)
Flex - (3 or more sessions)

2. TOTAL DEBT: $ 16,700.74

Car Loan- $ 425.26
AC Loan- $ 4,237.00
Credit cards- $ 12,038.48
1- $1,284.39
2- $3,838.47
3- CLOSED
4- $4,052.93
5- $1,462.30
6- $471.27
7- $929.12
Emergency fund- $ 100.00

3. Embracing my inner Goddess: More time spent on spiritual development.

I meditated & tried to see the moon. Alas too many clouds. I did a reading with the cards, but didn't do a full ceremony. Just was too pooped to get everything together. My house is a mess from the trip & I set up the new stand for the bird cage I got Grouchoo at the expo. Plus I needed time to spend with them all.

I'm learning the new deck. Just started with picking two cards last night to get a feel for them. Justice & Temperance. Interesting.

4. Gratitude. Today I am I thankful for:
1- warm flannel PJs I love & got for $10 this weekend
2- love the crisp fall air
3- looking forward to a day without debt
4- my birds all love me more than I can handle at the moment. :)
5- I get to vote this afternoon on the local candidates

Check out my articles page. Heck click each one daily... Every click helps me out & who knows you might learn something new.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN / SAMHAIN / FALL

I know a tad late, but I was celebrating. Not in the typical way for me, but rather by spending time with my parents & visiting the gravesites of ancestors.

Also attended a great bird expo, where my mom almost adopted a new feathered sibling for me. She fell HARD for a 2 & 1/2 month old Harlequin Macaw that wanted to do nothing in the world more than snuggle with her. I think they were both smitten. But reason prevailed & she walked away slightly broken hearted but also hoping that someone who was younger would give the bird a home longer than she can be able to. Also she was worried that my Dad's crazy but lovable dog Molly would hurt the macaw in her playfulness.

My Panthers won their game!!! & the birds seemed to love the change of scenery. My newest, Groucho fell hard for my Dad! Talking up a storm to get his attention anytime he saw or heard him. Cute. & of course I got in lots of Badyn snuggles that I have been missing since he went to stay with them. Also saw how much good it is doing him when I caught him RUNNING! Something he really wasn't able to do anymore I thought. His arthritis is really being helped by the constant attention that my mom can give since she is home days & of course the other dogs are always encouraging him to move more!

So since for us pagans, this time of year is about remembering the past & looking toward the future, its time to revamp. Kick start a new set of goals to focus & plan on. Start anew with refreshed energy & commitment.

For starters I am redoing my goals list on SuperViva. http://superviva.com/people/MoonGoddess

If you don't already have a life list going, you should. Its fun to see what you can accomplish if you want to & nice to have a source to list everything you have done & remind yourself of your wishes. Why wait to make a bucket list? LIVE NOW!

checklist: 1. Exercise: STARTED! Steps & the plan

This Week: Mon- / Tues- / Wed- / Thur- / Fri - / Sat- / Sun- /

Last Week: Mon- / Tues- / Wed- / Thur- / Fri - / Sat- / Sun- /


TOTAL STEPS: -
TOTAL MILES: -

Total Steps Last Week:
Total Miles Last Week:

2. TOTAL DEBT: $ 16,782.55

Car Loan- $ 754.14
AC Loan- $ 4,237.00
Credit cards- $ 11,791.41
1- $1,225.85
2- $3,837.47
3- CLOSED
4- $3,922.98
5- $1,462.30
6- $412.69
7- $929.12
Emergency fund- $ 200.24

3. Embracing my inner Goddess: More time spent on spiritual development.

Planning a full moon meditation/ceremony tonight. Should be interesting trying to do things without hurting the birds. I want the incense & candles, but they may need to be in another well ventilated room. :)

Bought a new Ryder Waite Tarot deck. Its the basic one, but I have never owned it.

I signed up for a paranormal photography course. Its going to be 3 weeks long with 2 hour sessions each Friday night. Could be fun! & hoping to network with a few new people.

4. Gratitude. Today I am I thankful for:
1- new ideas & energy
2- my family, the furry, the feathered, the alive & the dead
3- Samhain/Halloween
4- PANTHERS WON!!
5- hope & cute smiles

Check out my articles page. Heck click each one daily... Every click helps me out & who knows you might learn something new.

Recharge & get ready to go

Its amazing what emotions can be felt that you never expect. I took in another bird & already I adore him like he's been with us forever. I find myself on dates & learning that they have a certain dog (like a german shepard) & wonder...would it leave my birds alone? lol

Dating still feels incredibly weird. Alas I guess it always does in some way or another.

Still finding I need to open myself up more to seeing what is there instead of searching for certain aspects of a former person I miss. I need to be open to NEW relationships rather than just filling a void. Maybe I'm not ready yet

Still part of me is on search overload. Not really actively, but my mind keeps saying you need to find someone & start the family if you are or give up on that dream, to which I just can't seem to do. After finding out the polyp was not cancer after all, I was extremely grateful. Yet in the series of procedures & test, I learned that I'm not as fertile as I once thought. I don't ovulate every month. Which isn't THAT uncommon & can be helped along if I was trying to have kids by some treatments. Still it was a wake up call to me. Now I am back on the pill not to prevent pregnancy but just so that I will actually have a period. I'M ONLY 32!!! Seems strange. I don't feel like that is old enough to have any kind of fertility issues. I still feel very young & like I have a life ahead of me. Unfortunately I guess that may not be the case.

Weird.

Still I have the rest of the week to focus on the new bird & relax, then its back to goal setting & achieving as soon as November 1st starts!

checklist: 1. Exercise: ADD TO THE NEED TO START LIST. Steps & the plan

This Week: Mon- / Tues- / Wed- / Thur- / Fri - / Sat- / Sun- /

Last Week: Mon- / Tues- / Wed- / Thur- / Fri - / Sat- / Sun- /


TOTAL STEPS: -
TOTAL MILES: -

Total Steps Last Week:
Total Miles Last Week:

2. TOTAL DEBT: $ 16,782.55

Car Loan- $ 754.14
AC Loan- $ 4,237.00
Credit cards- $ 11,791.41
1- $1,225.85
2- $3,837.47
3- CLOSED
4- $3,922.98
5- $1,462.30
6- $412.69
7- $929.12
Emergency fund- $ 200.24

3. Embracing my inner Goddess: More time spent on spiritual development. It all used to be such a part of me, but I realize how far I have slipped in those several years I was in THE relationship with someone who didn't exactly approve or appreciate my beliefs, so I didn't practice or spend time developing my spiritual side as much as I had. Now I am breaking through the darkness & missing it all now more than ever.

So at least once a week I would like to devote to reading, practice, something to bring me back to who I want to be.

4. Gratitude. Today I am I thankful for:
1- my health
2- my chance to help a soul in need
3- a day off
4- chances to meet new people
5- renewed friendships

Check out my articles page. Heck click each one daily... Every click helps me out & who knows you might learn something new.

hope.

Hope.

Its a double edged sword. Without it we have nothing. With it we make fools of ourselves. We hold blindly on to ideas that may never happen. Without it, we forget why to go on.

Lately I am on an emotional roller coaster.

Thankfully my lil medical procedure showed that I am cancer free & it was only a single polyp. No clue why it broke off & made me bleed so long. Otherwise my gyno says I have a gorgeous uterus. Which is great. Also I was drugged up enough to actually find seeing my insides interesting. & of course I got a full day of some interesting dreams all loopy. The soreness is gone & I am back to normal feeling much better knowing things are ok after that scare. Still dealing with the anemia but this too shall pass right?

On the other hand, we also discovered that I am not ovulating like I should be. I went back on the pill just to give me piece of mind & regularity. She said it was probably something that if I wanted to have kids could be helped out with a few tricks & drugs. Still, part of me realizes that my window on choices isn't as open as it once was.

The future is now.

Dreams must either be let go or rushed into.

The options aren't ideal.

Funny enough I got asked out by a guy I thought seemed pretty amazing. He waited til after I recovered & we went out. Had a great time.

The following day, what do I do? bawl my eyes out. I felt guilty for having fun again & hoping this could work out. Felt like I was cheating on a past love that is no more & began to wonder if its possible to have the strength to put myself out there again. Knowing there is a big chance that opening my heart means it could be shattered and would I survive it all again? What happens if this person also doesn't see the value in me after I fall? Can I even fall ever again?

Is it better to have loved & lost than to never have loved at all?

Sometimes I just want to push it all away. Hide out in my own little world of birds, movies & great dreams.

Then I remember the dreams I want/wanted (?) to achieve. A family, acceptance, helping finding my place in this world & knowing I left it a little better.

I know no one should find their worth within another person. It must come from within. But at times I feel so lonely. Like I know my beliefs are right for me & that I am so lucky to find peace with who I am, but I also want to share it. I want to find what I thought I had. Love.

Just no clue if it can ever be again.

I know lightening does strike the same place time once in a blue moon. The question is can I be lucky enough to be in the right place at the right time looking in the right direction?

Hope. sometimes it forces me to believe in the magic that can make it all worth it. other times it reminds me, I have had my place in the sun & memories to warm me as others smile into the rays.

Breathe

Ok so I have been dealing with a few medical things & just let it all kind of get to me in a way. For some reason I just didn't want to document it in a blog since that tends to make it seem more real. Also we just were asking a lot of questions without a lot of answers, so it seemed stupid to stress too much without knowing anything anyway.

So more later, possibly. If not just know things went well. As my Dad says "No news is good news". Something I have learned in life isn't always the case.


Denial is bliss. But then again knowledge is what brights light to the darkness and takes away all fears.


checklist: 1. Exercise: So new approach. Fitness plan to build the habit. Letting go of the pedometer goal for now. I'm going to revisit this at the end of the month, when more makes sense hopefully. Maybe I will get myself on track for tracking both plans of action!?!

I used to do the ASCM plan. & will start this up week after next. Seems no sense starting when I already know I will be taking two days off with no chance of feeling up to working out. Minor medical procedure to get more test & hopefully more answers.

This Week: Mon- / Tues- / Wed- / Thur- / Fri - / Sat- / Sun- /

Last Week: Mon- / Tues- / Wed- / Thur- / Fri - / Sat- / Sun- /


TOTAL STEPS: -
TOTAL MILES: -

Total Steps Last Week:
Total Miles Last Week:

2. TOTAL DEBT: $ 16,981.81

Car Loan- $ 754.14
AC Loan- $ 4,237.00
Credit cards- $ 11,990.67
1- $1,205.31
2- $3,967.03
3- CLOSED
4- $3,920.76
5- $1,473.24
6- $470.74
7- $953.59
Emergency fund- $ 100.00

3. Embracing my inner Goddess: More time spent on spiritual development. It all used to be such a part of me, but I realize how far I have slipped in those several years I was in THE relationship with someone who didn't exactly approve or appreciate my beliefs, so I didn't practice or spend time developing my spiritual side as much as I had. Now I am breaking through the darkness & missing it all now more than ever.

So at least once a week I would like to devote to reading, practice, something to bring me back to who I want to be.

4. Gratitude. Today I am I thankful for:
1- test that can catch things before they get too far.
2- friends in town from Brazil
3- the birds who always make me smile.
4- ways to express my inner feelings instead of keeping them bottled.
5- support. when I need it most, I know its there
*bonus.... the faith that I know I will get through anything & everything. With the good comes the bad, which means that good will also follow the hard times.

Check out my articles page. Heck click each one daily... Every click helps me out & who knows you might learn something new.